Bright Sparks in British Gas

British Gas seems to have to money to burn. To say nothing of acting in an astonishingly dim way. Spies in north London tell TheLettingSite.co.uk that it has delivered four free light bulbs by way of a rather peculiar thank you to some of its lucky customers.

In a sweet little note signed by the MD Phil Bentley British Gas says it’s sending out 52 million light bulbs ‘ to light your way.’ And it goes on with some tripe about ‘ every journey starts with a few small steps.’

They are those truly terrible bulbs which take ages to warm up and are supposed to be nice and Green and we can, ahem, help save the planet by using them. As the late lamented great hack Sir John Junor used to say, Pass the sick bag Alice.

The bulbs arrive in a nice box which is super strong – always wise with bulbs – and they are delivered at great expense to ones’ door. Bulb fanciers who know about such things reckon they would cost about £1.95 for any poor pleb who had to actually buy one on the High Street.

So for the sake of argument let’s call it a couple of quid for each bulb - £8. Then there’s the cost of the postage and carriage and distribution and all that stuff. And don’t forget all the lovely printing and packaging and the little love-letter telling you how appreciated you are for letting British Gas look after all your electricity needs as well as how using the dull bulbs will reduce the carbon footprint etcetera etcetera.

Imagine the size of the footprint that’s been created making and delivering this lot?

What else to add in? The bulbs were probably knocked up overseas. So there’s probably the cost of air freight. It all adds up nicely. Especially if you multiply all that by 52 million. Although it comes in at such an amazing figure that we’re beginning to think there must be, as Private Eye might say, surely shum mishtake.

British Gas shareholders will be euphoric to know there must be a light-bulb dreamer-upper and perhaps a committee saying what a wheeze and, presumably, a bulb tester? Perhaps a testing department? After all BG wouldn’t want to dispense bulbs that don’t light up or whatever it is they don’t do. It’s enough to make shareholders blow a fuse.

We think these Bulb Bosses should stop hiding their light beneath their bushel. Why don’t they step out of the shadows for a round of applause? British Gas might even hold a congratulatory party for them at which everybody could get well and truly lit up.

Special note to the bright spark who dreamed this one up – and the super bright spark who approved it: Wouldn’t it be more impressive to knock a few quid off the bills?